How a Family Works

So this week I learned a lot of interesting things about how families interact and how to help family relationships by just observing their interactions and so forth. Something that I hadn't ever really thought of before was family rules. These are unspoken rules about how a certain family functions. Whether it be to talk to your dad after dinner about something you want because he's typically happier after he had something to eat, or don't bring up that event that happened seven years ago to mom or she will talk your head off. These are the unspoken rules that every family has. It really is true. Children and other family members learn by observing and by trial and error about how to get the best experiences out of their family relationships. It is interesting that children can pick up on these unspoken rules at a very young age these rules can make it into a good family system or a dysfunctional one.

Another thing that I thought was really interesting was the different types of boundaries that individuals can have with their family members. There are three different types of boundaries were explained to me. One can be related to a dashed line. (- - - -) There is room for information to flow back and forth, but there are also lines to create a barrier to make sure that there is still some form of privacy in the relationship. This is the healthiest type of boundary that does not lead to dysfunction. The second type of boundary is just dots spread apart. (    *    *    *    *    ) This represents that there is too much information being flowed back and forth from each individual and it is not healthy. The last boundary is simply a solid line (-------). This type of relationship is very guarded and has no information flowing back and forth and is also a dysfunctional relationship. 

In order to try and make a relationship better, a therapist or counselor needs to understand the
boundaries that the family system has and work around that and try to get their relationships to have the "dashed line" boundary, or a happy medium between the two unhealthy boundaries.