Communication is Actually Really Hard...
We communicate everyday whether we like it or not. We can communicate something even by not saying any words. There are three main types of communication that takes place during a normal conversation. The first being non-verbal communication. Non-verbal is so much of how we communicate with others. It sends more messages than just our words. It can convey emotions, accents, can be substituted for words, it can contradict or complement what we say among many other things. For example, when I say something like, "Please clean up after yourself," it can be conveyed in a polite way or in a mean way depending on tone, posture, facial expressions etc. So when we communicate over text or other types of media, it is hard to get the whole picture because we can't see so much of what the other person is trying to say. We cannot see their non-verbal messages and can cause a lot of misinterpretation and confusion.
When we are communicating with someone there are two processes that are happening. The first, encoding is conveying your meaning or emotions to another person and the second process called decoding is when the other person interprets the other person's messages so that they can understand the thoughts and feelings of the person they are talking with. This is another place where misunderstandings can take place. Because depending on the abilities the people have to encode and decode and drastically change a conversation.
The third type of communication is LISTENING. Listening can either make or break a conversation. I know from personal experience that when I don't feel like I am being listened to, I don't want to talk anymore. This happens when people are faking, being dependent listeners, interrupt, when they are self-conscious, and when they are intellectual listeners. Everyone is guilty of doing every one of those things listed above. So how can we do better? We can watch and observe for non-verbal communication, resist distractions, we can control our own emotions resist the urge to respond before the partner is finished, we can ask questions and rephrase things, and practice, practice, practice.
Some other things that don't really work that we all do are complaining, criticizing, getting defensive, stonewalling, moralizing, threatening, providing solutions, lecturing, analyzing, interrogating and ridiculing to name a few. Something that I thought was interesting was the "providing solutions" made itself into this category. Whenever people come to me with their problems, which is often, I tend to give them a possible solution to their problem. I think that I am helping them and doing a good thing, but in reality, they just want to feel validated and to feel like someone is listening to them. Which is true. I sometimes get annoyed when people tell me how to fix things and I think to myself, "I get how to fix it, but let me just feel these emotions first". So this week when my roommate was complaining to me about something in her life, instead of offering a solution to her plan initially, I let her talk it through and she ended up coming up with the solution herself. Which helped her self-esteem because I told her what a great plan it was and that she came up with it herself and it helped her feel validated because I listened to her. What a simple thing for me to do, but it made such an impact on her day and ultimately our friendship.
When we are communicating with someone there are two processes that are happening. The first, encoding is conveying your meaning or emotions to another person and the second process called decoding is when the other person interprets the other person's messages so that they can understand the thoughts and feelings of the person they are talking with. This is another place where misunderstandings can take place. Because depending on the abilities the people have to encode and decode and drastically change a conversation.
The third type of communication is LISTENING. Listening can either make or break a conversation. I know from personal experience that when I don't feel like I am being listened to, I don't want to talk anymore. This happens when people are faking, being dependent listeners, interrupt, when they are self-conscious, and when they are intellectual listeners. Everyone is guilty of doing every one of those things listed above. So how can we do better? We can watch and observe for non-verbal communication, resist distractions, we can control our own emotions resist the urge to respond before the partner is finished, we can ask questions and rephrase things, and practice, practice, practice.
Some other things that don't really work that we all do are complaining, criticizing, getting defensive, stonewalling, moralizing, threatening, providing solutions, lecturing, analyzing, interrogating and ridiculing to name a few. Something that I thought was interesting was the "providing solutions" made itself into this category. Whenever people come to me with their problems, which is often, I tend to give them a possible solution to their problem. I think that I am helping them and doing a good thing, but in reality, they just want to feel validated and to feel like someone is listening to them. Which is true. I sometimes get annoyed when people tell me how to fix things and I think to myself, "I get how to fix it, but let me just feel these emotions first". So this week when my roommate was complaining to me about something in her life, instead of offering a solution to her plan initially, I let her talk it through and she ended up coming up with the solution herself. Which helped her self-esteem because I told her what a great plan it was and that she came up with it herself and it helped her feel validated because I listened to her. What a simple thing for me to do, but it made such an impact on her day and ultimately our friendship.
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