DATING

Everyone loooooves talking about dating, but how many people actually date. Sometimes its crazy to me when I see beautiful girls who tell me that they have never been on a date or they have been on one or two. Before this lesson, I was very pessimistic about dating and boys in general. My roommate and I swore off boys because we were both not getting any dates and the ones that we did go on were not good. Prior to swearing off boys, whenever I was asked on a date, I never said no because I know that rejection really hits your self esteem, but I wasn't asked on many. My second semester of college, my roommate would get so many dates that she did't even have time for a lot of them! That was discouraging to me because I went on a total of two dates that semester. One at the very beginning and one the week before finals. I felt left out all the time and it was really hard for me to deal with. I was jealous and confused. I began to doubt my self-worth, attractiveness and I began some extremely unhealthy behaviors. I tried so hard to be liked and to go on dates and to feel attractive but nothing happened. Then two semesters ago, this guy and I started going on a lot of dates and it was established that we liked one another and then right before Valentine's day, he just stopped talking to me out of the blue. It hurt me. A lot. I started doubting myself again and believing that it was because I was fat and ugly that he left. It was hard. I felt unworthy to anyone I perceived as good and I stopped trying to look for a good man. So when a "bad boy" wanted to date me, I let it happen. I was manipulated, sexually assaulted, and I felt like I had deserved it. It took me a long time to realize that I, in fact, did not deserve any of that. I also realized that that experience does not make me any less of a woman, a child of God, or undeserving of a happy and healthy relationship. This week was really special for me because it was healing for me to hear that other girls my age had also been in similar situations in which they felt stuck in an abusive relationship.

I also learned a lot about how I should start dating in a healthy way. It was interesting to me because out of all the dates I have been on, I could only count a few that were actual dates. I realized that a lot of the dates I thought I went on were not dates at all, they were just hanging out. I think that it is important that we educate our sons and daughters about how to date. I think that it is important that boy and girls know that just because they ask you out on a date that it is because they want to marry you. They just want to get to know you. There's a big difference.