Intimacy in Marriage

Coming into this topic, I thought it was going to be really uncomfortable because in society sex is a taboo topic, it is considered dirty and sinful. In almost every movie and television show that is out there refers to sex in some way. Society has sexualized physical intimacy. We are constantly bombarded by images, movies and themes that teach that sex is dirty. But when  it is taught in a way that makes it so it's a beautiful and sacred thing when it's between a husband and wife. Jeffery R. Holland states that a sexual union is"a welding ... in matrimony... [a] physical blending [symbolic of a] larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise... a symbol of total union... their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything." When I think how much marital intimacy brings a husband and wife together as one it is purely astonishing. Husband and wife literally become one in flesh as well as all the other aspects that Elder Holland listed above. 

Some purposes of marital intimacy was clearly outlined in in the book, Successful Marriages and Families, in the fifth chapter titled, "Marital Sexuality and Fertility" by James Harper and Leslie Feinauer it lists, "becoming one, connecting with God, strengthening the bonds of marriage, and bringing children into a family" (51).
There are many reasons as to why physical intimacy should be strictly between a man and a woman who are bound together in marriage. One being as stated before that it bonds the couple together. There are physical reasons as to why this happens. For example, there is a hormone that the brain releases when a person cuddles, hold hands or has sex and it is called oxytocin, which is a hormone that causes bonding and attachment. That is why two people feel safe and attached to their partner because they normally do these types of things with their partner. Since sexual intimacy involves a lot of communication it is easier to do it with someone that you already feel comfortable communicating with. This new trend of "causal sex" has a negative affect on our society because it creates a more selfish environment in which we only want our needs and desires to be fulfilled. Also "casual sex" causes confusion, heightens the risk of AIDS as well as other sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. 

I find it important to address these sort of topics because it can prevent a lot of misinformation being passed around through younger generations. Focusing specifically on the LDS culture, the way that the majority of Young Men and Young Women chastity lessons go is that if you have sex, you are therefore a bad person and all potential companions will not want to marry you because you are no longer a virgin.When I was in the Young Womens program, one of the teachers brought in beautifully decorated cupcakes. She gave one to each of us and then told us to lick some of the frosting off of the cupcakes. Then she asked if we could ever make it look the same as it was before. We all said no, it's impossible. And then she simply said, that's what happens when you lose your virginity and have sex before marriage. This lesson has stuck with me because it was from a leader that I trusted greatly . Now that I am learning about sex in this way, I think that this method of teaching is wrong. The atonement heals all sins and makes it so that we can be changed. In fact this whole gospel is about changing. It is okay to make mistakes, it is how we learn and grow. Also there are many women and men who are sexually abused and had no control over their bodies or what their abuser did to them. If a girl who has been sexually abused is taught about chastity in this way risks feeling depressed and unworthy of any worthy spouse, when in reality, the atonement has it covered and can heal everything. Teaching youth and young adults the correct way to think about sex is important. While I can see the benefits of teaching chastity this way, the negatives certainly outweigh the positives. When I was assaulted, I felt dirty. I felt that if I had done something to stop it, I would still be clean and that I wouldn't feel this guilt. It was hard for me to get over. Once I understood that it wasn't my fault, the healing process became infinitely easier. Another thing that this faulty way of teaching creates is the "good girl syndrome". Many women, after being married feel dirty after having sex with their husband. They become apprehensive about it because they have been taught their whole lives that sex is bad, dirty and a sin. So they feel guilt after being intimate with their eternal companion and it causes a lot of problems for the couple.